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Oh, and I had no idea that orgasming was a thing, so that scared me to death. In 7th grade, my friend told me that sex was when you are naked in bed with a man, he stands up in the bed while you are lying down, and he pees all over your body. I was an idiot and believed this—so the next year, another friend told me she had sex. I laughed and asked her what it felt like to be a human toilet.
He argued with me over it for days. It took me asking another girl in middle school if her penis had started growing yet to realize how wrong I was. Then YouTube saved me. First was pubic hair. I was convinced I was a Neanderthal that somehow slipped generations, and I was the only person to have this monstrosity. Second was when my breasts grew and I got some tiny purple stretch marks. Convinced veins in my breast were rupturing. Then a boy did this motion at me in English class. He made a v with his fingers and stuck his tongue in the middle.
I thought it was just some goofy gesture, and I went about my day doing it towards everyone. I thought I invented it. I thought you just put it in and left it there. Always thought you just rubbed the parts together like spreading peanut butter onto some bread. Boy, oh boy, was I wrong. My friends looked at me really weirdly and I guess just assumed I was joking. All I knew was that I was in a lot of pain and my vagina was bleeding. It was terrifying; I thought I was going to die. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for a few hours until my mom explained what was happening. Also I was under the impression that sex consisted of just sticking it and leaving it in there for a while, motionless, until suddenly the guy ejaculates.
I thought for whatever reason if a guy got hard there was no other way to get him un-hard unless he climaxed, which a very understanding guy I dated explained to me that it could. Also for some reason I thought after a guy climaxed it would deflate sex the hard way a balloon really fast; that is, in fact, not the case. So year-old me decided to take a straw into the shower with me, stick it in my urethra, and blow.
You can probably tell where this story is going to go from the next sentence. It all happened on pajama day. I was beginning to notice girls, and there were two or three girls in my class that I liked. The teacher told us to get up and get some papers. But hold the phone! My weenie is standing up on end, sticking out literally like a sore thumb.
My assumption was that I just had a really big penis and I got up in all my glory. All I can recall is one of my crushes saying. Had no idea what was wrong with it. I always assumed it was just one day a month, until I made a comment and was told how wrong I was. There was a cute girl that worked there and I started flirting with her. He would do little things to torture me and make my job ridiculously difficult but I persevered and not only stayed on at that job longer than he did, but I also ended up losing my virginity to his daughter, who was also a virgin.
We dated for like a year so it was all good. There was some bait that had been left out of the cooler room over night and when we came in the next morning it was rank and stunk up the entire building. We finally found the source and he told me to stick my nose in there and get a good whiff. I did and it was potent.
The stuff of nightmares. I believed him for the longest time. After breaking it off with his daughter, I set out of a fucking spree, mostly because I was in love with the act of sex, all the while measuring each vagina I came across to the memory of that smell. I think the 4th girl I fucked smelled so bad that the stench would fill up the room and linger. I hate to disappoint anyone reading this but once it finally happened and I had that chick laying there with her legs spread, the nauseating odor overwhelming, I realized then that he had been fucking with me. Because he hated sex the hard way.
Then it all made sense. Fuck you David. And my parents never had any talk with me. I always thought women just peed blood on their period. So wrong when I woke up one day with ruined undies. I was 10 maybe?
I had no concept of a 3rd hole, so I assumed my urethra stretched out over the penis. Imagine my surprise when I realized that women sex the hard way like once every month. I thought the size of the uterus was much, much, much larger than it is like the entire abdomen and I got laughed at by the girls in our group.
I still have no clue how most things work 21 now. The sex ed classes in my high school were horrible, and we only had to take two. We spent most of the time playing games. All of a sudden, BAM. I freaked the fuck out. It scared me and I can still remember being so scared. I thought it was like, a big cavernous hole. I asked my friend when I was like 23 and she corrected me. I thought it was permanent, every day, until you die.
Two days before 7th grade started to boot. Literally just a man and a woman just sleeping together. We learned about the reproductive system in the 5th grade or so with the sperms and eggs, but sex was never explained. Something like that. Unfortunately, I never really encountered anyone willing to talk about sex in high school. Only in college, that I realized, that people actually put the stuff in.
No Talk from parents. When I got my first period, I thought I had back pain. So I went to my mom crying, thinking I had shat my pants. The teacher was horrified. And I was always a very curious kid, I wondered how naked people looked like. Especially after looking at all those diagrams in biology classes, and being a good student I had a habit of getting to know everything I studied. One night, at the age of 12 I pretended to sleep for an hour or few. I panicked. Panicked really a lot. I thought my dick was going turn to stone and fall off and tear my stomach awayand that this was curse of the gods for me crossing the line and looking at indecent things.
I went to sleep scared as hell. You may unsubscribe at any time. Found on AskReddit. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.Sex the hard way
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39 People On What They Learned About Sex The Hard Way